During the two week period before the next onslaught of chemo,
I did continue to see clients. Because of my energy level,, I
found myself letting go of trying to interpret every
detail in the chart and turning instead to the first thing I
had learned in my counseling training: Be where the client is!
Over time, I realized my work was deepening. I was learning to
listen, to be present with someone else's pain or anxiety or
concerns.
Instead
of going through my usual routine of interpretation, I would
begin sessions by asking the client, "What brings
you to see me for a reading?" The quieter I got, the more
clients opened up and shared what was really going on in their
lives, on both the inner and outer levels.
Often, long-time clients who had known me B.C. (before cancer)
would stop in the middle of a sentence, look embarrassed, and
say that their problems were so trivial compared to mine. And
very genuinely, I would reply that, no, one of the things I was
learning is that you can't compare suffering, that their suffering
was just as real and just as big as mine was. To a person, they
would sit back in their chair, relieved and relaxed, and continue
with their story.
As astrologers
and as counselors, we know we can't and shouldn't try to "solve" our clients' problems. But I'll be honest:
over my 25 years of practice, I've had to remind myself to go
of the need to "help" the other person, to let go of
being "right", to let go of being attached to having
the answers. I often silently say a prayer at these times to
let go of attachment and to simply be of benefit to the client.
Sometimes that benefit would be obvious and , many times, I had
no idea what that benefit would look like but I trusted the larger
workings of Life and Spirit.
A year later, I feel great, I'm healthy, and I continue to be
aware of how precious life is. I'm teaching astrology again,
facilitating dream groups, and seeing five to ten clients a week.
And I'm still learning to deeply listen, to be fully present,
and to expand my capacity to be truly compassionate. My knowledge
hasn't necessarily increased but my intuition and my ability
to see my openness as a strength and source of inner beauty has
grown. I give what I can to each client who walks into my office
and even if I can't see what that gift is, I trust they will
find it for themselves.
